#200 | 3 Things to Do to Let Go of the Drama and the Story During Dating with Anna Rova
Every time a woman shares with me her dating & relationship experience she leads with a story.
A story about how it all started, progressed, and ended.
There is a lot of detail in terms of what he and she said, what she concluded from it, how everyone else acted.
But the fact and the reality is that the story doesn’t actually matter.
We have been conditioned to think that it does (the masculine “I think, therefore, I am) but it doesn’t provide us with any efficient solutions.
Understanding something doesn’t actually provide you with the solution on how to move forward in an effective way.
Besides we will never understand what actually happened unless we have all the parties involved present, which is most of the time impossible.
So what we’re dealing with is a one-sided story.
And that’s what it is: just a story that we tell ourselves.
A story is a past event embellished with feeling and memories that might not even be 100% true.
A story is subjective and is just a narrative that we love to keep repeating over and over again.
And as we repeat something over and over again adding emotional charge to it, over time it starts to take up so much mental space that we become it.
We become the story.
“Men are just a bunch of assholes.”
“Where have all the good men gone?”
“Women are the ones doing all the necessary work and men are sitting on the sidelines.”
All these stories and memes get reinforced and encouraged by the media, your close surroundings and your circle of friends.
Over time to add various tiny bits to it that weren’t even there in the first place.
And we live off of the story.
But when I work with women I’m actually not interested in the story.
In fact, as soon as I hear a woman go into the vivid details of her story, I try to find ways to interrupt and pause so we can get to the actual point and so we can start digging deep and working on it.
In an embodied way.
Why is that important?
Because a story is a subjective memory.
It’s a one-sided recollection of events wrapped up in emotion.
And studies have shown that memories are not always true simply because events in the past wrapped up in emotion distort the reality and what actually happened. Two different people will have a different recollection of the same event because, well, they’re two different people.
So it’s important that when we work through our experiences with men (or anything else) we let go of the story and we extract ourselves from the drama of what actually happened.
When you’re not wrapped up in the fog of emotion and trying to rationalize everything all the time you can let that shit go.
And the key to doing so is feeling through it and embodying it — releasing it.
The other two important ingredients are taking radical responsibility (getting out of victim mode “this happened to me”) and dating multiple men at a time so you can maximize your changes of being claimed.
Here are 3 things that women did in our work together to let go and starting to attract different men:
1. Radical Responsibility
We start this journey by owning everything that has happened to us and our experiences with men. We also take responsibility for what’s going to happen next. We take charge and stand up for ourselves. We’re ready to acknowledge, accept and own our words and actions and do the work. We get out of the victim mentality “this happened to me” or “he did this to me.”
It is important to mention that I do not work with women who’ve gone through severe trauma or abuse and by no means my intention is to make women feel like everything that happened to them in the past is their responsibility. My intention is simply asking women to take responsibility and charge for what role that story has to play in their lives today, what lessons can we take from it and how can they transcend and step out of it so they can change the future trajectory of their lives going forward.
We know that we can only change ourselves and that everything and everyone around us is a reflection of what’s going on inside.
This is where we start.
We look inside to see what past thoughts, beliefs and experiences have shaped who we are today and what kind of men we were attracting as a result.
We dissect the story and the drama and take ourselves out of it.
We objectively look at what wasn’t working, feel through it, release and reframe it.
Here are some questions you can sit with and journal on:
Have you taken responsibility for looking at the story and releasing it?
Are you still hiding away not willing to do the work?
Are you still being comfortable in the payoff of being a victim of circumstances and external forces?
Once you answer these questions honestly, your journey of transformation will begin.
2. Feminine Embodiment
Once we have accepted radical responsibility we can move to liberation and embodiment.
One of the most important tools we have in our toolkit to “fight” the story is our feminine embodiment practice I teach all women in the program called Feminine Flow.
This practice is specifically designed to help you let go of the story and release the frozen tension from your body so you break the cycle of constantly being in your head thinking about scenarios, possible futures, and how things would be different. Through feminine flow we get rid of the “If this, then that” thought processes and never-ending loops.
And the good news is that women are equipped with this knowledge from birth because this is how we have learned to survive.
Generation through generation.
We had to adapt and mold into the dangerous, often unpredictable environments, carrying children on our backs and chests, finding ways to protect, nourish and feed them and ourselves.
We had our tribe of women who had our backs.
We had the village.
We had to find ways to “see” without seeing, “hear” without hearing, and “smell” without smelling.
Together with other women.
I know you know what I’m talking about because you sense this within yourself.
And it’s a skill that has simply been forgotten. Because we didn’t need it anymore.
Because we started to build walls and start fires to protect us from predators and cold winds. Because we invented electricity, medicine, and the infrastructures that would support us in our needs. Because we created the internet, social media and devices to tell us everything we need to know.
But in this external, artificial “knowing” we have tuned down our own instinctual knowing.
So we need to relearn this very necessary skill because no Siri or Alexa can tell you whether you should marry this guy, pick this job or invest in this program. Only you know. And you do know — you just need to relearn how to access this truth.
Women are deeply instinctual creatures that have access to infinite reservoirs of wisdom that don’t come from their heads. This wisdom lives in their instinctual knowing, in their sensual powers to sense, see and feel further than what the eye can see in front of itself.
The body is always acquiring and processing information from the outside world. It works so fast that we don’t even notice it is what governs our survival behavior and mechanisms.
So how do we do this?
The feminine needs to flow and move. She can’t stay rigid for too long.
She needs to process, feel and release frozen tension that accumulates in her body day in and day out.
We all know the benefits of meditation: increased concentration, presence, and cultivation of the state of flow.
We all know the benefits of yoga: increased flexibility, muscle strength, peace of mind.
However, meditation and yoga are masculine practices characterized by consciousness, presence, emptiness and discipline, structure, direction, goal.
I love yoga and meditation and I do it all the time but these masculine practices are missing the essential feminine element: free movement and flow.
This type of movement doesn’t have direction or structure. It is not concerned with building muscles, having a goal, or following a certain sequence.
It wants to flow freely; exploring and smoothing out the edges, filling in spaces that want to be filled, and releasing frozen tension and stuck energy.
I first learned about this practice during my Feminine Embodiment Coaching Certification with Jenna Ward and have done it every day since then.
It has changed my life and the way I deal with my emotions.
I now have the tools not to jump up and down along the emotional spectrum.
Instead of numbing out, I go into what it fully.
It’s painful at times.
But I know I’ll be okay.
This practice runs much deeper than simply “dealing with life.”
It has the potential to liberate stuck and frozen tension in all areas of life.
It can help us heal deep wounds and magnetize whatever we want.
This practice has been ESSENTIAL for my well-being and happiness as a feminine woman.
I’m also teaching this practice to all of my coaching clients and they report incredible results as well.
It has become our go-to tool for processing and releasing emotions, accepting ourselves, and letting go. Embodying and magnetizing what we want. And simply being in the flow of our feminine energy and life.
Use this tool as a daily practice to help you get out of the story, out of your head and into your body where you’re present and flowing.
Where you’re free.
And that place is powerful
3. Rule of Thirds
The Rule of Thirds basically says that you should always date at least three men at a time and don’t stop dating until one of these men makes an implicit or an explicit claim on you as his woman.
In this video I talk about:
- The Rule of Thirds and how it works
- Why it’s EXTREMELY IMPORTANT to see/date 3 men at a time in your dating funnel
- What does evolutionary psychology have to do with dating?
- How parental investment influences the way men and women date
- “Shopping for shoes” metaphor and how to apply it to your dating with men
- Why sex creates attachment
- Why giving him a chance to compete and pursue you is important
- Action step: What can you do this week to start exposing yourself to more potential suitors and start your “Rule of Thirds”
And remember, there is absolutely ZERO GUILT in dating more than one man at a time because guess what, men do it all the time!
Once you’ve created your dating funnel and are dating multiple men at a time you’re no longer worried about whether he’ll call or how many days it has been since he promised to take you out.
The story is gone. The details don’t matter. You’re not spending time and energy overanalyzing why John said this, Tom did that and Chris hasn’t replied.
Together with taking radical responsibility, releasing frozen tension from your body with your movement practice and practicing The Rule of Thirds you will be unstoppable in your dating life and enjoying it to the fullest (like you should.)
P.S. Sign up for the free, exclusive training from me on How to Start Attracting Committed Masculine Men By Releasing Control & Letting Him Lead to find out:
- The #1 reason successful women are still single and can’t attract a committed masculine man (hint: it’s not what you think)
- How to break through the patterns of attracting unavailable or feminine men and find your blind spot so you start attracting the men you want
- How to master the art of feminine/masculine polarity so you start feeling taken care of, claimed, and finally be able to let go of control
- How to get out of the “get the guy” mindset and instead move into your full feminine self and have the guy get you
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